Yesterday was one of those days I wish I could just press the reset button on. it started off lovely. I slept in and walked downstairs to Xavi on the couch, it felt right.
I got myself ready for the day and then we went to load a big sofa chair that I got him into the back of his dads truck, then we were planning to go break breakfast before he drove back up to Findlay. I hopped in my car to back down the driveway and next thing I know I was sobbing in the grass because I had backed *right* into Xavi's dads truck. I wanted to crawl into a hole and literally never come out. I think there have only been about four or five times in my life I’ve cried harder.
While I am sorry, sorrier than I can say, Mr. Boes, I’m going to write this blog post about my dad.
This isn’t my first rodeo when it comes to my car mishaps. I missed my best friend on the team’s senior night golf match my junior year because I was in court for my first accident. I knocked my passenger side mirror off and scraped the side of my car backing out of our garage. I ran into the back of a car in Over-the-Rhine on my way to work this Christmas, I must’ve run over something at some point, because I was dragging something under my car last week, and now this. somehow the first number I dial after each of these, is dad. his contact photo is an old picture of us, both laughing, when I’m super little and my hair is a mess.
As I wait for the rings to pass, my heart is racing, each time. and then I let it all out. It's always the worst part, telling him what I did, how I messed up, admitting my repeating faults when I have no excuse except that I messed up, again. But he never yells. He stays calm, I can feel the heaviness of his heart though, sometimes that's even worse. Sometimes, I just wish he would yell. He’s there each time and each time his first question is “is everyone okay? are you okay?” without fail. that is of course, once he can understand me through my tears.
He travels for his job though, he’s not home as often as I know he wishes he was. He’s far away from us girls, and most of the time the only time he gets to chat is after playing phone tag for a little while. When I do get the chance to touch base though, especially when I’m up at school, I fill him in on everything. I ask him for his advice and his help and his input, many times seeking his approval on what I’m up to.
I don’t know about your dad, but my dad likes to fix things. I swear he knows how to fix everything. sometimes he’s stubborn about his ways but he always gets the job done, no matter what it is. my cars issues are no different than my life issues. He always has the answers, and I’m starting to learn from the answers he gives– sometimes, y’all, I can even answer my own questions!! that being said, it’s more than just the answers. he fixes it even when it isn’t his mess. my cars are not his mess and he doesn’t complain one bit.
Tonight when we were trying to fix up my fender bender issue, I got the hair dryer out and held it so as to warm up my rear bumper, but dad still did all the pushing. We (he) fixed it.
Sometimes I forget that we have not just an earthly father but a Heavenly Father who desires to fix our lives too. So much so that He sent His son, one whom He loves as my dad loves me, down, sacrificing Him for us.
In this season of Lent, I’m working on this with my Heavenly Father, reaching out to Him, seeking His advice, His input, intentionally praying, and learning from how He responds to me. I think it's helping me to become a better daughter.
I am working on knowing that I have to call on Jesus, when I stray away, He longs for us, He longs to be close to us, to our hearts. He already knows what we are thinking, but He wants to share moments with us. We are travelers on a path to him, but that doesn't mean we don't wander. How necessary is it in a long-distance relationship to communicate? How necessary is it for a daughter to call her father while in college? So the same goes to our Heavenly Father to maintain the relationship.
I will continue to mess up. I know I will if my driving skills are a testament to this, then I definitely will. But being vulnerable, posting about this, asking for forgiveness from my earthly father, translates so well into our lives as disciples for Christ.
Christ is on the other end of the line, just as my dad is there, to fix our problems, to help us when we don’t know what to do next, to guide us out of our panic, to calm our fears, and to work through our plans. I am beyond blessed to have a dad who serves as an example of what it means to love like Jesus, no strings attached, forgiveness always at the doorstep.
Let go of your pride, release your fear and kneel at the cross. Call on your heavenly dad, shedding tears in the grass. He will be there.