The bible talks about community and fellowship and the importance of gathering rather often. Nothing in the bible is without reason, so Jesus must have a point. He says things like, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them,” (Matthew 18:20) or “So in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others” (Romans 12:5). He also says in Romans 1:11-12, “I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong—that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.”
We as humans were essentially made to be in community with other people. We were made to have connections satisfied by love in order to build each other up to reach the kingdom. God intended for our hearts to be joined together.
It’s no wonder heartbreak and loneliness are so hard on our souls.
1 Corinthians 12:25-27 says clearly, “so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.”
Being lonely is not fun. Feeling replaced is not a fun feeling. Feeling like a second-choice friend hurts. It hurts a lot because when you sit there, alone, or even not alone, maybe you’re filled in a room full of your friends, but you feel like everyone else in that room would rather be talking to any of the other faces in that room.
It hurts a lot. They’re your friends but it feels like they might want to be friends with other people first.
And you tell yourself its fine, because of course, it totally is. Its totally fine. But it hurts.
It hurts and you’re right.
Our hearts are fragile. They long to keep us connected and when someone is pulling hard on our hearts it can hurt.
It hurts when we feel like it is our fault that they don’t want to be our friend or that they would rather have a different friend over us. Whenever someone loves you or says that they do, its typically followed by a blank.
I love you because of your laugh. I love you because of Instagram theme! I love how good of a listener you are!
Maybe its your confidence. Maybe it’s your random back scratches or personal uber services or perfect sunset watching spots. Maybe they love you because of your heart, that it is so full and eager to love. Who knows?
Someone might love all of those things about you, but maybe someone will come along who is a better listener or a better sunset watcher. Maybe you feel like you’ve been slacking on your commitment level, or haven’t been hyping up your friends as much. You couldn’t go to lunch or didn’t go out last weekend, so you need to step it up.
These are all things we tell ourselves when we feel insufficient.
At the bottom of this long list of insufficiencies, insecurities, God always adds something He loves about us. He says this.
“I love you, I love you just because.”
And he just stops. He stops because he loves you. And he doesn’t need a reason, or a basis or a means or anything. He loves you because.
God loves us when people leave. He chooses us and he picks us over anyone else in the room and he will pick us again and again and again. Jesus of all people knows what betrayal and loneliness and heartache feels like. He has suffered for us. He knows and He says to let go of him and to cling onto his leg instead.
It is a simple but a hard change to make. There are many nights being in college that I feel so alone. So alone. It helps me to do things that I can pray during. I paint, I cross-stitch, I write. I encourage you to offer the loneliness to the one who left heaven and chose you.
You are worthy of his love, just because.