for as long as i can remember i have been creative. i wanted to be a fashion designer in paris, i went to a summer camp to help me learn to make clothes, i begged for a mini craft mannequin and a sewing machine for christmas, i made clothes for my barbies and american girls, i cross-stitched with my grandma.
as that dream because something seeming to be more in that capacity, a dream, not a reality, as i began to figure out what i wanted to do with my life, that wasn’t a dream, that could be a job, i started thinking about passion.
as the time of “the question” came around my canned answer was this “i think i will probably go into something with on the creative outreach team at a non-profit” or “i’m not a hundred percent sure what, but i think as long as i’m working for a company i’m passionate about i’ll be fine.”
amongst my time as a wannabe seamstress i held various other crafting passions. i dabbled in sculpy clay, jewelry making, painting, calligraphy, bible journaling, you name it. i mean goodness, i worked at a pottery studio all of high school.
as i look back at how far i’ve come from my summer fashion camp days and fashionista trends, i see a girl who has passion for creativity.
coming to college, it took me a minute, but i found my place back in my creative outlet. Public Relations with a minor in Marketing. it had writing, fancy words, critical thinking, public speaking, branding, the whole nine yards.
i came in strong, excited, a bit nervous, but nonetheless feeling very capable. i moved up on exec and took over the student run firm my first year, thanks to the help of a wonderful mentor who believed in me.
that quickly slowed down though. my ambition began to shrink and my frustration grew, as i felt like my time was being wasted in classes that seemed like they’d be outdated if they were taught ten years ago, let alone now.
not to mention, i have had some poor experiences feeling supported by the faculty in my department. it didn’t take long before my frustration overcame my eagerness and the writing, that i had loved so deeply became an anxiety and a checklist in an attempt to satisfy a professor who didn’t even want me to succeed.
i’ve never felt more bland. i had lost my passion, my spark for what i loved.
in february of 2018 i stitched some words into a thrifted sweatshirt in my dorm room on a tuesday afternoon.
i posted a picture on instagram and got a flood of responses, of sweet humans who wanted to support me and buy one for themselves or someone they loved.
i was floored.
i never expected anything like that and was overjoyed.
today is december 11th, 10 months and 6 days later, i have a sweatshirt with a needle hanging out of it in my lap right now because i had to pause to write this down.
today was bad. i cried harder than i had in a long time over something that was out of my
control, something i felt so defeated because of, something that made me feel dark.
but as i look around myself now, i can’t help but get a little teary-eyed because i’m stitching words into shirts for people to wear across their chests of things that they are so passionate about.
words they want others to know, sparks that they want to share.
my very first sweatshirt i made said this, “dance with jesus, not the world.”
i feel like that’s a little ironic, scratch that. it’s his mercy, his grace, his joy and his hand holding our hearts, coincidence that feels so familiar, so perfectly timed because it is.
We must dance. Jesus is our partner and our passion is our song. move with it.
the world does not have the power, nor the right to make you stop moving. you cannot be stopped.
you are the product of a divine creator who sculpted this world and gave you vision through your eyes, thoughts for your mind, and love for your heart. they aren’t there for nothing and they’re yours. use them to change lives. they’re passions not problems, the reason days are full of beauty and museums are full of art and concerts give you highs, math makes you confused, skyscrapers touch the sky, rollercoasters take your breath away, and first sip of coffee warms your soul, and watching someone finishing a race brings tears to your eyes.
we have shaped this world with our passions. out curiosities. our friendships, connections, pursuits. lean in to what He has in store for you. lean so far in that He will take your next step with you, for you.
He longs for you to use the creativity and gifts and joys. He gave them to you to use, to change, to be the you He created.